Grocery Shopping in 40 Easy Steps

I had to run to the grocery store this morning for milk and eggs. Now that L is out of school for summer vacation, I am back to taking both kiddos to the store with me. Against my will, I have become a morning person. I am up early and like to do things first thing. If there is anyone wondering how to grocery shop with 2 kids under the age of 5, here ya go!

1. Get kids dressed. You will have to pry the electronics out of their hands first. This will cause a tantrum because they want to stay home. This leads to number 2.

2. Promise them free cookies from the bakery at the store. This immediately gets the tablets out of their hand and gets them moving.

3. When you think you are ready to leave, don’t. You have forgotten to get the watered-down juice cups and favorite blanket or stuffed animal.

4. Lock the house and get out to the car. Buckle both kids into their seats. Run back into the locked house because you forgot the kids’ sunglasses that they cannot live without (aka take off and throw on the floor) and the list. The same list that still only consists of milk and eggs but you know you will forget something!

5. Start the car and start the drive to the store. Don’t forget to take the back roads that have the big bump so the kids have their 1.5 second thrill for the day. Luckily, the look on their faces makes it worth it.

6. Get to the store. Tell the kids they cannot bring in the toys, blankets, snacks or stale cheerios they found in the car.

7. Give the “mom look” when they insist on asking, “Why?” 4 times.

8. Lift the kids out of the car, hold hands and head for the store.

9. Have a 3 minute discussion on whether the red race car cart, blue race car cart, or black police car cart is the best choice for you today.

10. Only put the 2 year old in the cart because the 4 year old wants to walk and hold your hand.

11. Comfort the 2 year old who wants his brother to sit next to him and then wants to hold mama’s hand.

12. Again, promise free cookie. The tears will stop.

13. Remember that you need apples, broccoli and mushrooms.

14. Walk through the produce section avoiding the employee who likes to talk to you for 10 minutes.

15. Don’t pay attention and practically run into said employee.

16. Talk for 10 minutes.

17. Mistakenly ask the kids what apples they want and listen to them argue green vs. red for 4 minutes.

18. Make an executive decision and grab the cheapest bag because they only eat 1/4 of each apple anyway.

19. Pick up mushrooms and broccoli and head for the dairy department so you can get the heck out of there.

20. Get all the way to the milk and the kids remind you that you forgot the free cookie that you have been promising them for an hour.

21. Turn around, forgetting the milk, and go back to the free cookie dish.

22. Get to the cookie dish and realize they are all gone. Every. Last. One.

23. Both kids are on the verge of tears and you have to say something. Explain what happened and hope it works!

24. It doesn’t work. You end up buying a whole package of cookies from the bakery while you are on a big, life changing diet and a budget because you already did the big grocery shopping for the week.

25. Go pick up the eggs and head to the register to pay.

26. Get in line and start to unload your groceries.

27. Remember that you forgot the milk and head back to the dairy section only after taking you groceries off the belt. So close!

28. Pick up 2 gallons of milk and nearly run to the register so you don’t get distracted…again.

29. Argue with L about buying 3 different kinds of candy when you have cookies in the cart and candy at home. Not to mention the fact that the family is trying to make better, healthier choices. This almost causes a meltdown but he holds it together because he is such a good boy.

30. Run and grab energy drink before cashier is done with the order.

31. Pay for the $40.00 order when you came in for milk and eggs and say thank you!

32. Walk out to the car.

33. On your way to the car, the kids insist you go over the bump in the parking lot with cones around it.

34. Trying to show yourself that you are strong and show the kids that you don’t completely suck, you do it just so they think you are fun…and you get stuck. Stuck to the point where passing people want to help you get out of the rut you are in.

35. Insist you are okay, pull super hard and free the stuck black police car cart.

36. Finally unload the groceries into the car.

37. Load the kiddos into their seats.

38. Make sure both kids have their blankets and stuffed animals and snacks and Legos and stale cheerios.

39. Get yourself into the car after a long sigh of relief.

40. Open that energy drink and proceed to drive home!

Follow these 40 simple steps to grocery shop with your kiddos! So easy and fast!

Please check back for 3 (dozen) steps to putting your kiddos to bed!